Tantrums, tantrums, tantrums...AND the gas light went on.

Warning: If you are having a good day...walk away from this post until a later time.

Those of you who know me, know that I try to keep myself together, I try to keep life's events in perspective, I try to look at the positive side of things and focus on the things that DO MATTER....But it's hard to keep that up...ALL THE TIME....and today is definitely not one of those days that I have it together.

I went for an amazing 14 mile run this morning. I was literally thanking GOD on mile 12 and praying that he give me patience to face the challenges in my life with the peace and clarity that I had merely 2 miles from finishing one of the best runs in a WHILEEEEEEEE.

(I guess God got confused. He thought I asked for things that WOULD TEST MY PATIENCE.) After my run I went home to a big shopping list of things that Nico needed. So my mom, Nico, and I decided to head to some stores to knock some things off that list.....that no milk fairy, diaper fairy, or mommy-hood fairy was gonna bring us.

Without even a BITE to eat (after 14 miles) we headed out.
I would have really appreciated a SIGN of some sort: Approaching SLIPPERY DOWN HILL SLOPE- brace yourself and BUY TISSUE.

I didn't get that memo. Nico's first extreme terrible 2s tantrum started as we got off the car and I tried to sit him in the umbrella stroller. 10 minutes which felt like hours...I battled with him so that he would sit. I thought, I'm the adult, he is the child, this is a stroller...how difficult can this be to get said child to sit in aforementioned stroller? I WAS WRONG!

Finally we get in the store...my mom had gotten 2 sandwiches for us, while I was battling with Nico and the stroller. Of course I inhaled the sandwich so that I could get Nico to eat....FAILURE. He didn't want to eat...so I took a deep breath and headed into TARGET, knowing that my time was limited.....Nico in the meantime WON. He got to push the stroller all the way to Target and NOT eat lunch.

TARGET
Tantrum number 2. The entire store probably thought I was up next on the Maury Show, for being SUCH a terrible mother. I had to hide the stroller and open a box of puffs from the store to get him to sit. (DON'T JUGDE). If you have a crying screaming baby in your arms, who won't sit and who won't reason---you reach out for ANYTHING in front of you and you give it to him. It calmed him just long enough for me and my mom to realize that this poppy (for lack of a better term) Target didn't have anything we had on our list

As we were paying...tantrum number 3 kicked in...literally KICKED in. Rookie mistake- I didn't bring him milk. Of course the line at Starbucks was ETERNAL...and Nico's screeching (since he caught sight of the umbrella stroller that had been hidden) made my heart race....and didn't make the line MOVE ANY FASTER.

Finally we left Target with Nico pushing the stroller again...and NOT drinking the milk that I stood in line to get for him (so he WON AGAIN). En route to the car, I thought he would settle down....NOPE.

As we existed the store, Nico threw his 4th tantrum. Struggling with me and for his umbrella stroller I tried to help him push it across the street...when out of no where...a crazy woman driver screeched on her brakes...about 3 feet away from ME AND NICO. Needless to say, the yell that my mother let out (who was walking behind us) was one of a mother who almost lost her grandson and daughter. But do you think that phased Nico's tantruming(yes new verb)...NOPE. He kept going...all the way to the car, IN THE CAR, and OUT of the parking lot.

I tried to stay calm..but failed. As I turned the corner to leave the store with less than half my list of things, (among them NO WIPES), a crying screaming unconsolable toddler, a frustrated and helpless grandma...I SAW THE GAS LIGHT WENT ON.

That was when I lost it. Tears, anger, sadness, frustration all flooded me. These are the things that mothers don't talk about...these are the days that moms don't share with you that make you feel like you are the only BAD MOM. I know i'm not a bad mom and I know that NICO is an amazing boy. However there are days like today when you have to cut your losses and call it a day. There are days when all your built up anger and sadness flow out. These are the days that make you stronger because these are the days that make you realize that YOU have to get up...You have to keep going, because NO ONE is going to pick you up.

When you  are left  to be it all, do it all, and still smile...that's when you are reminded that life isn't fair----but then again, I knew that already...I guess I just hoped with all my heart that it wouldn't feel like this. On days like today, I have to also remember that these difficult moments will too pass. And when I read Nico the book: Alexander and theTERRIBLE, NO GOOD, HORRIBLE, Very bad day, I will probably think back days like this and laugh with Nico about them.

Tomorrow will be a new day...a new chance to attack that "Things that HAVE TO GET DONE" list.