Do something you never thought you would do....4/20/09

3 Years ago TODAY I was preparing to leave to the Peace Corps! I posted on my Blog, LIFE IS CALLING. In that entry I wrote:

I propose that in the next two years you TOO try to do something you never thought you would do. Pick up a new hobby, take a trip, do something spontaneous, or COME VISIT ME!!!!A friend sent me a quote today that is so true: "You will always have time for things you put FIRST". Too often we are tempted to fall into a routine or live vicariously through others (T.v. Shows, movie characters, books, friends). Remember--YOU ARE THE MAIN CHARACTER in the story of your LIFE!! 

I'm happy to say that I have taken my own advice in this time. I have lived many experiences and done MANY things I never thought I would do (especially not in this time):

• Built an oven out of CLAY, COW Sh*t, rocks, sticks, water
• Eaten food that i've planted with my own hands
• had my mother teresa/ Princess Diana moments that i'll NEVER FORGET while teaching english on my back porch.
• Got married on a running trail to a person who inspires me to be better everyday.
• Delivered my son NATURALLY
• BECAME A MOTHER--and have started to learn what the truest definition of unconditional LOVE is.
• Lived in 2 beautiful US cities...now 3.
• horse back rode bareback on the beaches of Panama, on the beautiful beaches of Vieques,  and horseback rode on the Beach Side cliffs of MALIBU, CA
• OWNED my VERY OWN HORSE!!!
• hiked yosemite national park with my family
• sold furniture and artwork that I MADE!
• gone actual rock climbing on the green belt in austin
• ran my first full marathon
• I've swam in the FREEZING pacific ocean, like a true local...in my bathing suit!
• "surfed" on the beaches of CA
• lived 2 blocks from the beach!
• became a vendor at a farmers market
• been able to HOLD my entire family in my arms
• have taught FBI agents spanish
• Hung out with the US Ambassador to Panama and her husband (who were GATORS!)
• I've become a character in an ACTUAL book...my own PUBLISHED children's book!
• plussssss a million more.

SO WHAT if most of those things weren't what I had in mind when I proposed the challenge 3 years ago: try to do something you never thought you would do. Pick up a new hobby, take a trip, do something spontaneous---these still qualify!
It's been a ridiculous journey that LIFE has surprised me with and keeps SURPRISing me with. There have also been some not so happy things that I never thought I would live through, AND (if won't say but, because I don't want to negate what I just said...so AND) overall I must say that I've lived a life WELL LIVED and quite successful if I may say so myself (or according to Emerson):

• I've laughed a lot and LOVED with all my heart
• I have won the RESPECT of some intelligent people
• I have earn the affection of many children---which used to never really be a priority of mine until motherhood.
• I have won over some critics and made believers out of some non believers, but can't say that I was able to win over the critic that I most wanted to believe in me.
• I've appreciated the BEAUTY that has surrounded me, whether its taking in a spectacular view, a sunrise, or simply taking a mental picture an unforgettable moment.
• I have tried to find the best in others...though I have come short a couple times--I'm still trying.
• I've given of myself...my time, my energy, my thoughts, my ideas, my hopes and dreams. I've been there for friends in their hard times and they've been there for me in my hardest of times. 
• I know i'm leaving the world a better place with my healthy son, gardens in Panama, SEEDS that i've planted in friendships, and am working on social conditions part.
• I've played with enthusiasm 
• I have sung---poorly(so poorly that it has brought my son to tears), but i have sung none the less.
• I know that many lives have breathed easier because I have lived!

I've filled the passed 3 years with adventures, memories, and experiences that many people live their whole lives yearning for...and this post doesn't include anything about my other 23 years! I know I'm just getting started. Adult life isn't EASY and in the midst of all the hardships, heartbreaks, let downs, and struggles I deal with EVERYDAY I feel light sprinkles of blessing and joys that remind me HOW FORTUNATE I truly am.  Some days it's hard to feel blessed but when I step back and look at my life...I realize that I'm asking to have it all....and NO ONE has it all, especially not all together.

Peace Corps Journal Entries--As true then as NOW.

Looking through my Peace Corps Journal, I found 2 entries that I just have to share. This poor marble composition wide ruled notebook is falling apart, but it holds a written account of all the emotions I was feeling and things I was thinking while abroad. Going back through it has given me a chance 'walk through that path again'.Here is part of the entry for 5/1/09:

“...I called Peter when we got back to the bus meeting place in Chorrera(the bigger town near my training community of Santa Clara de Arrijan). I really miss him and love talking to him. I want to tell him that I keep thinking about: What if we do end up together? type of questions. I have thought about having kids and what kind of dad he would be. I know it’s weird so I wouldn’t tell him but what if he the one and he slips away while I'm here. Will I just be a little less happy w/o him or will we have our fairy tale happy ending? I do hope so b/c he’s what is getting me through. I don’t think he realizes how much I need him and need to hear him say things like: I love you, I'm waiting for you, there’s no one else like you, I can’t wait to see you, I want to be with you forever. I know it sounds crazy but just thinking that he might say these things makes all these things I'm experiencing here so much more bearable. I wouldn't want to lose the best man in the world for trying to do something good in the world....”

I also want to share part of the journal entry for 07/05/09:

“...I started reading Walden & Other writings by Henry David Thoreau. Peter and I got similar books about a year ago when he was in Chicago but I was never able to get through it then. Yet now I think I’m in the right mind frame for it. Thoreau went out to Walden for 2 years =), like me. He wanted to see just how simple he could live his life. I feel like we have a lot in common. When he moved away, he began to build with his own hands the little one-bed roomed cabin on the shore of Walden Pond like I will soon be doing. He was determined to meet himself face to face which is what I hope this experience will help me do.
My favorite quote so far is: “He was also, though no one is likely to forget the fact, writing, for Thoreau was born writer, which means both he had a gift for using words effetively and that he had an irresistible need for self-expression.” I share that disease as well, I might not have his gift of using words but I definitely share the need for self-expression. I want to be understood, I want to be heard, I want to be read.
I have a feeling I'm going to love this book and that it’s going to take forever to get through if I keep analyzing all the different parts it has.
Another quote I've thought about a lot is: “Most men, it seems, are to some extent disappointed and discontented. We complain of our luck, lament that we did what we did or did not do. Things might have been better had we been born somewhere else or under some different circumstances, we missed our chance;did not get our deserts. We are trapped in a life which we should not have chosen. The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”.
He believed himself to be that very rare thing, a happy man, and he had no regrets. I’ve seen this despiration all around here in Panama. It’s in their hands to make CHANGES as it is in our hands too. I came here because I didn’t want to sit and let life happen to me, I didn’t want to say that I missed my chance!Everyday is a challenge, and every morning I wake up and realize that I too am a rare thing, a happy woman that has NO REGRETS.”

Both these entries are as true then, as they are now.

Here I am married to a man who has confirmed that he is a far better dad than I ever imagined and who is still helping get through things, calming me when I allow myself to get overwhelmed, making me laugh at silly things, and inspiring me to be better and do more everyday. I continue to describe him now as I did then to my friends who asked me about Peter:“..So inspiring, so cute and knows exactly what to tell me when I need to hear it. I love him for that and for just being there-always-so dependable, loving, and encouraging.” Obviously this blog is evidence of that desire and need I have of self-expression. And I can still agree that everyday is a challenge, but every morning I wake up and realize that I, too, am a rare thing, a happy woman that has NO REGRETS.