3 years, questions, uphill crutching...it makes sense

God has too much confidence in me sometimes....There are times I feel that he takes advantage or overestimates my ability to cope with changes, move, and expect the unexpected. Sometimes I'm flattered...and other times I can't help but ask: "WHY ME?"

3 years ago I recieved the "craziest" news I never expected... News that would change my life forever.
I found out that I had been Nico's Momma for 18 weeks! I was petrified, nervous, sad, angry, confused, overwhelmed  worried, and at that moment...All alone. The next few days were really a blurr but after about a week...I was on board my flight to Miami to embrace my new life that awaited me with open arms and the confidence that everything would be okay.

Now, 3 years later I see all the other changes that have taken place that have brought me to another moment of questioning..."why me?" with all the same emotions of confusion, anger, fear, and saddness....only difference is that this time I'm not alone. This time I have the greatest most unexpected miracle to hold my face at 6 in the morning and loving me look into my eyes and tell me..."MAMA WAKE UP...I LOVE YOU! WAKE UP!"
I still wonder why God sometimes allows for us to live through some of these painful times. I feel that if I could avoid Nico from ever feeling a pain like this...I would...In a heartbeat. Then again....each obstacle is just training and preparing for the next obstacle to come.

From Life is Calling Blog: Panama Tried to Prepare me;

As I slowly crutched up the inclined streets of Santa Clara de Arriajan at 12 noon after Technical Training Class, I felt FRUSTRATED, HELPLESS, and EXHAUSTED. The incline seemed to get steeper and longer with each second that went by. As people in the community looked out their front porches at me struggling to get up to my Host house, I would smile at them and pretend that it looked a lot harder than it really was.Deep down inside I just wanted to throw my crutches, ripped the walking boot off and go jump in an ICE POOL!Little did I know that getting hurt in Panama would only be a glimpse of the uphill crutching that was to come.  

Pumpkinhead!
Happy 3 year anniversary of knowing you were in my life and would become MY LIFE!! I love you with all my heart! You are the most amazing gift I've ever been entrusted with....I'm telling you, God has too much confidence in me sometimes ;). I now know what is feels like to be overwhelmingly happy, hurt beyond belief, and Love beyond what I thought was HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Thank you...
TE AMOOO CORAZONCITOOO DIVINOO!!!!!