I am now dating in a different circle...the mommy circle.
Making new mommy friends is just like dating. You meet other moms randomly or through other friends. You talk about the obvious things you have in common (your child) and then get into other topics and see what other commonalities you share. Toward the end of the encounter, you wait out to see who wins the tug-0f-war going on in your head of whether or not to ask (give) the new mom your number. Asking for it prematurely might give off the impression you are desperate...but then again, what's wrong with that if you really are desperate to meet other moms? After the phone number exchange comes the question "When do you call to hang out again?". We know that other moms are as busy and free as we are....yet we are not really sure when to MAKE THE FIRST MOVE and call for a follow-up date.
This past week I met a new mommy friend randomly at my apartment complex while I was taking the stroller out of my car. I had seen her at Yoga class before but hadn't really talked much. I stated the obvious and asked if she was going on a walk. Then I held my breath. I had set up the stage and hoped that an invitation to join her would follow....AND IT DID! We walked for about an hour. The weather was very cooperative, setting a nice back drop for our walk. During that time we discussed life as a new mother, the difficulties of breastfeeding, and the never-ending list of household chores that never surface for acknowledgment. As we neared the end of our walk, I thought about asking her for her number, but before I could, she asked me for mine! I gave her mine and then saved her number in my phone. With a big smile on my face and Nico sound asleep from the walk, I walked into my apartment and immediately called my best friend to tell him that I had just met another mommy! 2 days later I called and invited her to join me on another walk. It went great as well. Sara, that's her name, is a really nice girl and Elijiah, her son, is really cute. He is 18 months old and began walking a couple weeks ago. He is much quieter than Nico. I hope that weather willing, we will be able to make our walks part of our daily routine.
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| Me and Nico =) |
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| Meagan and Everett |
| Laurel and Miles |
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| Monica and Dylan |
Going on double and triple dates is much easier and relieves the pressure off any one person in particular. On wednesday, this past week, I met up with 3 other mommies and babies for a brunch date set up by Sarah, the doula that has been helping me. 2 of the mommies were from the bradley class- Monica (& Dylan) and Meagan (& Everette). It was the first time I had seen them and their sons since the class ended in early December. The other mommy was Laurel (with Miles). It was great! This week's topic was dealing with family members and friends, however we often found ourselves drifting into different tangents like babies peeing in nurses mouths at the doctor's office and discussions of when is it okay to run with the baby in the stroller. Dealing with family members both near and far (which is most of our cases) is challenging. It's difficult to turn down suggestions, advice, or comments tactfully. Thingss have changed, different people do things differently, and every parent has a different idea of what is BEST for their child...often making our elders understand that can be frustrating for both ends. One of the girls discussed that family weekend posed an added hassle instead of helping. We tried to think of ways to help her confront the situation in the best way possible, but might have come up short in reaching an answer. We'll have to work on that one next week too. Dealing with the friends topic is touchy as well. The germ-o-phobe inside moms wants to keep our babies away from everything and EVERYONE but the human side of us wants to show our babies off and share them with the world. Visits from friends creates an internal battle for us moms. We don't want to feel overly protective when we ask if people have washed their hands and when we quickly take our babies away from people who bring the smell of smoke on their bodies. People don't realize that how they smell and what they bring on their person can strongly impact our babies in this vulnerable stage of their lives. As moms, we'd rather be rude than deal with the effects on our babies. These were very thought provoking and real topics as I'm sure the topics of the following weeks will be.
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| Mommies and babies out for a stroll |
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| Everett, Dylan and Nico after the walk |
After the meeting, Monica, Meagan, Sarah, and I went on a nice walk around Sarah's neighborhood. I was having a little trouble keeping up but then I reminded myself that I've ALWAYS been a slow walker. I am looking forward to out MOMMY WEDNESDAY DATES! And I hear that there might be another new mom joining the group this coming week.
Stay tuned to hear updates on my new dating life.
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