How to Apologize....a less we all need to learn

My mom friend, Stephanie Peterson, in Austin is on my BLOG ROLL(list of blogs I keep up with). She has an amazing perspective on life and marriage...supported by her strong faith.

She posted this today on her Blog:The Candid Pastor's Wife

Marital Conflict: How to Apologize

BY STEPHANIE, ON JANUARY 25TH, 2012

One of my strengths is perseverance. I can push through and finish most things as long as there’s an end in sight.

Unfortunately, this strength has a dark side: stubbornness. That ability to dig in my heels and hang in there until the bitter end? It becomes the “but you…”s and “I do everything“s when conflict arises in my marriage.

Now I know you aren’t stubborn… but just in case, I wrote this post! I’ve already told you how to fight when you’re married. This time, I want to focus on how to apologize.

There are 4 words you need to learn when having an argument. “You’re right.” and ”I’m sorry.”

Because in every disagreement, your partner is telling some truth. They may not be communicating everything the way it happened or acknowledging how it made you feel. Regardless, there is something in their words that is true. You can hear it when you listen for words that are really saying:

You hurt me when…

I felt disrespected because…

I have been trying really hard to…

And you need to start apologizing by saying, “You’re right.” and then continue by summarizing what they’re right about. For example, “You’re right. It was disrespectful for me to blame you for a trial we’re both facing.”

Then the magic words.

I’m sorry.

And you need to mean it. Don’t say it with sarcasm. Don’t say it to start another sentence of the argument. In other words:

After you say you’re sorry, STOP TALKING.

You’re done for a bit, and it’s their turn to talk. This will revolutionize how your conflicts end.In fact, your husband or wife might just stand there speechless for awhile themselves. Try it – it’s pretty fun to see their face when they’ve actually been heard!

And you have set the pace for the conflict to end amicably, not to mention quickly. 

Challenge: Try it this week, and let me know how it goes!

NICO STOOD UP YESTERDAY...

Nico stood up yesterday at our friend Julia's house for about 10 seconds!!!! He did it, I think 3 times, and then wanted nothing to do with it anymore...haha. I guess it's hard work to stand on your OWN TWO FEET!

I got super excited, I didn't know how to turn the camera on, or find my phone but I did (don't worry). I shed a little tear when I saw him standing there...like a BIG BOY!!

A little about our week:

We've had a baby-filled week (well Wed. and Thurs. really). Cash (and Stephanie), Henry (and Candy), and Alan(and Karen) came to visit us on Wednesday. And yesterday we went to the Library in Round Rock for story time and we saw Samuel (and Stephanie P) and Dylan (and Monica). Then we hung out at Dylan's house for a couple hours, we helped decorate (Christmas stuff)--Monica made scrumptious lunch for Nico and me!!! But it didn't end there. We then went to visit Jackson and Julia in the afternoon for a little!!

6 Baby friend visits in 2 days--I think that might be a record!

Nico and I are really going to miss our baby friends and baby momma friends!

The other day I was futilely trying to look up Mom Friend quotes or baby friend quotes--so I came up with a few of my own:

Baby Momma friends are those who:

• Share their mommy brain moments with you...and make your day
• clap, uuuuu, and awwwww at your child's milestone accomplishments as if they were their own child's accomplishment.
• tell you you're a GREAT mom, even when your kid falls from the bed, face plants, gets a rash, or ALL of the above.
• understand that when baby makes 3...daddy's aren't such "satisfied" campers
• tell you that you look fashionable when you all know you haven't had time to shower, let alone had the time/energy to go shopping.
• invite you to their homes on a weekly basis knowing that your infant is going to spit up on their couch, carpet, toys, and child.
• keep talking over your screeching baby and pretend that, like you, they don't hear a thing.
• takes pictures of you and your baby since (as the photographer momma) you are in barely any great PICTURES!
• make lactation cookies, cakes, brownies...ONLY to help your milk production.
• make sure to tell you that you look "different" when you've had time to brush your hair.
• buy fun toys that all baby friends get a kick out of!
• will endure stop/go/stop/go runs with your stroller and say they had a great run!
• set up play dates even when both your kids didn't even know the other was there.

Baby momma friends helped me get through though the challenging moments and shared with me all the amazing firsts...I'm so lucky to have met such great momma friends. I'm really going to miss you girls---and boys!